Sometime last weekend, I think it was about 7:35 pm Saturday evening, as I worked my way through the week’s river of despairing news and its ever-flowing tributary of emails telling me why my immediate help –even $3 –would make the difference, my spirits suddenly lifted.
Right there on that forlorn evening appeared an email message boldly declaring CONGRATULATIONS and announcing, “You have been selected to serve on our Grassroots Senate Advisory Panel.”
At last! No “10X match by midnight”…no “We’re dead if we can’t raise just $347 more by midnight.” Not even an Obama or Pelosi subject line. None of that stuff.
Rather than assuming I was just another chump, the message assured me that “As one of the most informed and committed End Citizens United grassroots activists in your area, you have been selected to serve on our critical Senate Advisory Panel.”
(I immediately wanted to rush upstairs with this solemn honor in hand to impress my partner, but she was busy bathing the dog.)
To emphasize the importance and solemnity of this special request sent to only the “most informed and committed” folks, the message alerted me the fact that “Senate Dems are preparing for the map from HELL. It then pulled me aside to whisper in my ear, “So we need to develop a foolproof strategy now—or else we’ll suffer the consequences.”
Being one of the grassroots chosen few the secret strategy for not suffering the consequences was revealed. “That means we need 100% participation from supporters selected to join our Grassroots Senate Advisory Committee” and was immediately led to a button that conveniently enabled me to “Claim My Spot on Panel>>”
Oh yes, I forgot to mention that near the top of the email, even before the inside strategy that would keep the Senate Dems from HELL there was a warning. You see these thoughtful folks had provided a “personalized survey link for Roger.” But in no uncertain terms warned “DO NOT RESPOND IF YOU ARE NOT firstname.lastname@example.org. Further they conveniently noted that “RESPONSES SUBMITTED AFTER 11:59 P.M. ON 04.14.2023 WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED”.
Sadly, by the time I got to this email I was already too late to take the survey. But fortunately, when I clicked on the “Claim My Spot on Panel” button the nice folks allowed me to claim my spot and even helpfully suggested I provide my cell phone number. I expect they’ll give me a call to ask my advice.
Once I provided my phone number the “Next” arrow led me to the survey and, in turn that led to a modest request for funds. Afterall, it’s only reasonable that as a new member of the prestigious Grassroots Senate Advisory Panel I should do my part. I remembered, as a kid, when I first was allowed to join the neighborhood clubhouse, I brought along lots of Cokes and cookies in hopes that I’d be welcomed.
Still basking in the glory of recognition by this organization, End Citizens United, I wanted to learn more about them and just how much they helped keep Dems out of HELL. Afterall the invitation had rotating portraits of Sens. Sanders, Giffords, Fetterman, Hassan and Schumer so these folks clearly care.
- In the 2022 election cycle End Citizens United raised $31.2 million.
- They spent $9.2 million on “Salaries”….$15.1 million on fundraising consultants, payment processors and other vendors, made $6.3 million in independent expenditures but gave only $734,000 to U.S. House and Senate candidates.
I guess I’ll just have to try to give more if I really want to help protect and elect Democratic senators next year.
However, even though I’m proud to be a member of the Grassroots Senate Advisory Committee I won’t be able to do that until my next Social Security check arrives.
P.S. Sorry to cut this short but my inbox just dinged with a major alert demanding my attention:
[Renewal Needed: Your Biden 2023 supporter membership has lapsed.] Oh dear.